The "Powerful" Triangle
- klfortner2005
- Apr 19, 2024
- 4 min read
Triangled communication creates conflict in relationships, whether with couples, families, friendships, peer relationships, or work settings, due to individuals, most often, innocently drawn into drama. Roles are established by the individual, who views themselves as "victim", with strife developing due to manipulative behaviors. Many times when conducting EAP counseling sessions, this conflicted behavior is demonstrated to clients, noting the intent for their becoming aware which role they are playing and assigned. The behavior by the "victim" is purposeful. The "victim" does not have the skills to work through one on one conflict, thus draws others in to "rescue" and speak for them.
The "victim" has a conflicted situation with another individual (known as the persecutor, perpetrator, "bad guy"). The "victim" will then go to another individual (known as the "rescuer") speaking about the circumstances of strife regarding the "persecutor". The intent is to create a situation where the "rescuer" will then go to the "persecutor" to confront the "persecutor" about concerns relayed to them by the "victim". Thus, a conflict has been created between the "persecutor" and the "rescuer". The "victim", who does not possess the skills for dealing with conflict is then "off the hook" due to the diversion. Now, drama among three people has been created, relationships strained, with a myriad of feelings surfacing from anger, hurt, frustration, and more.
The purpose of this post is to provide education about the "Karman Drama Triangle", ways to prevent being drawn into conflict, and a brief introduction to Transactional Analysis (TA) to educate the reader about "the games people play".
About the Karpman Drama Triangle
The Drama Triangle was first created by Stephen Karpman in the 1960s showing the power games in dysfunctional social interactions with individuals being in one of the three roles previously described. As shown in the photo below, the three roles are described with the
"Persecutor" being angry, aggressive, judgmental, demanding, and spiteful with scorn
"Victim" being manipulative, poor me syndrome, helpless and needy, complaining and whining, fretful, downtrodden, and blaming others
"Rescuer" being with appearance of self sacrificing, overly helpful and facilitative, like to be needed, prone to meddling unnecessarily, and engulfing (Resource from https://www.listeningpartnership.com/insight/about-the-drama-triangle-and-how-to-escape-it/)
Individuals, most often, are caught off guard, and are placed in the rescue role unaware of the conflict to develop. Individuals can move through any of the three roles given the situation. How does one remove themselves, for example, from the rescuer role? Move to the middle of the triangle.
A scenario that often happens, where people can be caught is as follows:
Person A (Victim) has an issue with Person B (Persecutor). Person A goes to Person C (Rescuer) with the issue and manipulatively wants Person C to fix the problem by speaking to Person B. They have conflict (B and C), a possible argument, when in actuality, Person C are not truly aware of Person B's part of the situation. All three relationships are then damaged. How does one stop being the rescuer? Advise to Person A that comes to Person C, "I think it best your speaking and working with Person B rather than wanting me to fix the situation because I do not have all of the information." Person C, the Rescuer, has then moved to the center of the triangle leaving Person B and Person A to work on their issue.
This decision and movement preserves the relationship, reduces or eliminates conflict, and thus the drama is stopped.
There are many more situations that can evolve in the Drama Triangle, therefore, resource links are provided for your review.
In EAP counseling sessions, and also work coaching/consulting clients, this dynamic surfaces many times with the rescuer blind sided being unaware of a relationship challenge with someone they have not had conflict with prior to the "drawing in" by the victim. The Rescuer is not aware of what has occurred, the reasons for another person coming to them about issues for which they are not involved with in the conflict. Strife develops. Relationships are then damaged which may not be repaired or could be lost due to dysfunctional triangulated behaviors and communication.
Transactional Analysis
Eric Berne developed the Transactional Analysis (TA) approaches demonstrated relational dynamics with the Parent, Adult, Child Ego states, with communication exchanges between individuals. The PAC dynamic, created in the 1950s, provided individuals to see how they relate and react to others. A quote from the provided resource states, "Eric Berne proposed that dysfunctional behavior is the result of self-limiting decisions made in childhood in the interest of survival. Such decisions culminate in what Berne called the “life script,” the pre-conscious life plan that governs the way life is lived out."
By learning, and being aware of the communication styles and behaviors, one develops skills seeing where another individually operates relationally. Books, written about this topic in the 1970s, provided to individuals, families, couples, friendships, and work settings, the "life scripts" someone may use to meet their needs. One book entitled, "The Games People Play" provides education about the "games" others use to get their dysfunctional needs met and the "strokes" they receive when their script is successful. Another book based on these concepts is entitled, "I'm OK, You're OK". Again, this work references TA and the triangulated behaviors of others. These two works are worth reading and adding to your knowledge base for effective communication and relationship enhancement.
If you, or someone you know, is involved with continued drama, the negative impact on relationships, this information will be helpful for your personal growth and learning about "games people play". Take time to review, process, and learn about how you relate to others with the PAC schema in TA.
Resources for TA:
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